


Cope

by cryptidturtle



Category: TMNT - Fandom, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Panic Attack, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, coping skills, leo is traumatized ok, shitty vent fic kinda??, shredder is a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 22:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14198928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidturtle/pseuds/cryptidturtle
Summary: Leonardo finds himself having a panic attack and questions the progress he made at the farmhouse.





	Cope

**Author's Note:**

> its just some angsty nonsense because i have lots of emotions about the s2 finale. id love to hear what you guys think and im still taking requests.

Leonardo sat hunched over on the edge of his bed, his nails and fingertips digging into his flesh, drawing downwards, feeling the raised flesh of scar tissue over his neck which had permanently damaged his voice. His scars itched, like some unsavory insects crawling over them, the scratching intensified. His breathing was erratic, struggling to catch his breath, sucking in lungfuls of air which seemed to do nothing for the panicked feeling deep in his plastron.Tears clouded his vision, dripping down his face. He sniffled, trying and failing to muffle his sobs. Thankfully he had been able to get his mask off before it became tearstained or covered in snot during the panic attack, jeez he had always been an ugly crier in his opinion. 

Self loathing settled like a pit in Leo’s stomach, rising and strangling his insides, just making him gasp for breath more desperately. He hated it, he was overreacting, he was home with his family in the lair, New York was safe. He was supposed to be fine, so why wasn’t he? He hadn’t had one this bad since they had encountered the Shredder again, that was months ago. So why could he still feel the metal raking across his shell? He knew that flashbacks and panic attacks were common responses to trauma, Donnie had drilled that into his head back at the farmhouse. But he was better now, yet he still could feel the cold winter air burning his lungs and the blood pounding in his ears. It was spring now. What had April and Donnie called this again..? Oh right, a relapse. Did that stupid spirit quest mean nothing?!

He was so frustrated he wanted to scream but he barely trusted himself to move. Shaking violently, his hand that wasn’t scratching the irritated scales on his neck curled into a fist. Deep breaths Leo, you’re spiraling.C’mon snap out of it, this wasn’t your fault, you are safe now, he can’t hurt you. You know relapses are common, you know about panic attacks and flashbacks. The turtle continued his internal monologue/mental peptalk, cycling through his thoughts and emotions logically seemed to help. 

Okay coping skill find a coping skill. He forced his eyes open, he hadn’t even realized they had been squeezed shut. His eyes searched the room, he located five things he saw. Bonsai tree Donnie gave him, his katanas, Space Heroes poster, the painting from Mikey he hung up, the CD Raph lent him. He took a deep breath, quieting his sniffling and listened for four things he heard. The dripping of sewer pipes, the sound of the tv in the living room, the hushed voices of his brothers, his own breathing. Three things he smelled. Gross sewer stench he’d become accustomed to, the scent of pizza, the sweet smell of tea (his brothers must’ve heard him and started making it). Two things he felt. The sheets on his bed, the irritated skin on his neck. One thing he tasted. Leftover slice of pizza from earlier. 

He exhaled, his breathing still having a hitch to it but much calmer than before. He blinked once and then twice, drying his tears. Leo stood, ignoring the slight ache in his healed leg, the old injury tended to flare up after too much exercise or phantom pains from PTSD. He left his mask where it laid on his bed, not bothering to hide what his brothers already knew had happened. Leo opened his door, his brothers were all lounging on the couch attempting to act natural as if they hadn’t heard anything, Mikey poorly concealing a freshly brewed cup of tea. Leo offered a weak smile and sat down on the couch, clearly emotionally exhausted after the ordeal. 

Raph spoke softly, “Hey bro… Are you okay with being touched right now?” He asked, Leo thought for a moment before giving a soft nod, a hug actually sounded nice right now. Raph smiled gently and put a reassuring hand on his older brother’s shoulder and pulling him into a hug. Leo rested his head against his brother’s plastron and sighed contently, not having the energy to speak at the moment and hear how wrong his voice sounded. Donnie had retrieved some blankets and carefully wrapped them around Leo, enough to be comforting but not too much to the point where he felt he couldn’t escape. Mikey and Donnie sat next to him, reassuring him with their very presence. After pulling away from the hug Mikey offered the cup of tea with a faint smile, Leonardo gingerly took it mumbling a soft and hoarse thank you. He took a sip, feeling his nerves calmed. Eventually feeling safe enough to fall asleep in the comforting and secure arms of his brothers.


End file.
